


Dark Embrace

by Serpex



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Cancer, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Depression, Heavy Angst, Hospitalization, Hurt, Loss of Motivation, M/M, Magic Cancer, Possibly OOC, Rejection, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, fraxus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-02-21 22:57:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13153788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serpex/pseuds/Serpex
Summary: "Is Laxus here?"Those three words came from Freed's jaws every single day since he contracted cancer. Perhaps it was bound to happen. He was, afterall, a mage who specialized in historic spells, yet here was his life ready to join the remnants of history himself. But, Freed didn't want fame. He didn't want his legacy to be bound in ancient books. The only thing he wanted was to see Laxus again.But, he never came.





	1. Leaving Love Behind

**Author's Note:**

> This was just something that came to my mind, and I felt the need to write it. I apologize if characters are OOC. This is my first Fraxus fanfic.
> 
> Cover art made by JuliaVeronik8 on Wattpad! Thank you so much for the awesome work ^^ For those of you who don't know her, you should definitely check her out :3
> 
> Also want to let her know HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL! You are just amazing and I'm grateful for everything you've done for me.i hope you think of this fic as maybe a prolonged birthday gifts of sorts ^^ love you fam :3
> 
> Also want to say Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to anyone who celebrates that stuff! No matter where you are, may fortune gaze fruitfully upon you and I pray that you spend time with those you love even if it is only for a moment. My love rests with all of you ^^
> 
> Now then, I hope you like the fanfic. I'm not sure how many chapters it will be. Despite my original idea for this being a short one shot, I'm making it into a multi-chapter fic with short sections, so it may be about five chapters or so. That's subject to change of course. Hope you guys enjoy it nonetheless! Comment and vote to let me know!
> 
> FYI: I want to go back to regular updates. So, as much as I possibly can, updates will be weekly.

I can't believe I'm really doing this. But, there's no going back. I packed my clothes, toiletries, various spell books, and other outdoor needs. My financial state was stable for now, but push comes to shove and who knows, I may need to camp for a while. Lightning bolts and thunderclouds littered my belongings which only made me hurt more. But my pleasure and my pain were all because of him.

Laxus.

Out of everyone in the damn world, why the hell did it have to be you?

I've never been in the light. No matter how much I struggle or try to fight my way through thick and thin, I can never find my way out of the storm. Laxus is like a lightning bolt in that storm. He is there when we need him, but then, he's gone in a flash. I wish I could be more than that. More than who I am.

As time has gone on, I've only become more of a burden. Using rune magic on my own body took its toll leaving my lungs in a mess. The master had forbidden me from performing long jobs now. The Raijinshu had gone on well without me. They don't need me. Laxus... Doesn't need me.

It's been a few months since he started working at his new long-term job. Earning a living off being a mage was based on jobs you received, however, to receive a constant source with a complying client was rare. I know it was making a lot of cash for Laxus, but I couldn't help it when I could only catch a glimpse of him if I woke up early or stayed up late. He never noticed me. After all, to him, I was just a roommate alongside Bickslow. It hurt having to leave those fleeting moments behind.

"You don't have to do this, Freed," Bickslow said as I stepped out the door. "Don't leave us." His eyes showed remorse, but it would disappear after a while. I wasn't needed.

"I'm sorry, but I need to. If I stay, I won't be content with myself," I said. Everything inside of me hurt to say something like that. But for what reason could I say otherwise? Laxus wouldn't look at me, let alone be with me. He was my fleeting dream that was barely out of reach. But, I'm running out of strength to chase after him.

"Tell Laxus I send my regards," I said. "Farewell." Without looking back, I walked until the apartment was out of sight. Maybe, it was an impulsive choice. I didn't really have a place to go, but anywhere away from him was good enough for me. Before I realized it, I'd wandered into the more run down parts of town. Seeing an idle bar, I walked in. While I tended to avoid drinking, now was a good time to crash than ever. I needed to forget.


	2. Longing For Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEARS GUYS.

I walked in and found it empty except for someone I wasn't expecting, although I wasn't surprised in the least. I stalked my way to the bar stools and took a seat next to the brown-haired girl.

"Evening, Cana," I said. The woman lifted her head and smirked.

"Well, well, if it isn't the old Rune Master. Out drinking with the Rajinshu?" she said with throwing an arm over my shoulder. Before I could answer, she called out to the bartender. "Ramón! Get my man Freed and his guys some of the strongest alcohol! Oh, and add on another barrel for me!"

"Actually, I'm alone," I stared. "And fine whiskey is more than enough. I really don't need much right now."

"Hah?! Why not?" Cana raised a brow and sat back down pulling Freed into the seat beside her. "Everyone always needs alcohol, man."

"Not everyone can hold it down like you," I snorted. The bartender handed me a light drink with a knowing look on his face before I began to chug it. "Thanks, Cana."

"No problem. So, what's got you so down in the dumps? Is it thunderhead again? I swear, if it is, I'll go over there and beat him myself so you two can finally cuddle together," the alcoholic threatened. With a sigh, I stared down at the now empty glass watching my reflection as it distorted with each turn I made.

"That won't be happening. I... I left," I said. Cana stopped drinking from her barrel and placed it neatly beside her. With an eyebrow raised, she turned to face me.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, simply that. I've left the Raijinshu and... Laxus. I'm going on my own no matter what." Ramón came back with a refill which I accepted and drowned almost as quickly as the first. I nodded towards the bartender letting him know I was finished. "I've chased after Laxus for too long. But, he barely glances my way," I continued. "He hasn't said a word about my confessions nor has he acted on it. That in itself is as good as a verbal rejection. I can't do it anymore. Watching him come home everyday graciously is amazing, but I feel like a dog. I am loyal, true, but I want to get more than a 'good job' or a 'thank you, Freed.' I want to feel him hug me and kiss me like a doll. I want to be pampered back like I've pampered him. I want to hear words like 'I miss you' or 'I love you.' Every time he touches me, I feel a spark rub through my body, no pun intended. Am I expected to live the rest of my life hurting? To feel that suffocating darkness around me when I close my eyes knowing that when I wake, I have the notion that I've already lost the thunder I want to hear. I've lost that hold on reality. It's only on missions that he'll look out for me. And I guarantee: Laxus only sees me as a teammate. Nothing else. This isn't like some small crush anymore. But, I know it can't and won't happen. Yet, my wishes will only be drowned deeper the longer I stay. So, I've left it all behind. I've left him all behind."

I was heaving heavily by the end of my explanation. My chest moved up and down apprehensively, the wounds in my heart being opened and stitched over and over. The inner conflict of wanting to let go, yet wanting to go back; It burns like lava covering everything and leaving nothing in its wake. The land is doomed to be consumed by and by. It devours no matter if it lies on land or slither on the ocean floor. And now, it's here to imprison my heart.

Cana pulled me into her arms and held me.

"Let it out," she whispered. "Don't hold back your emotions, Freed. It doesn't suit you." I whimpered before I gripped her arms and sobbed, my cries echoing through the room.

"I-I didn't want to leave, Cana."

"I know," she said. "Love doesn't always work out like our innocent stories for little children. However, monsters still exist. Both of us have seen enough proof of that. Even so, there are monsters that exist that cannot be destroyed or tamed by any weapon nor spell. Those are the demons that reside within us. I felt them when I lived day by day without knowing if I would get to confess to Gildarts about my lineage to him. I waited for him to come back each and every time, yet whenever he came, I chickened out. Your love and my love may differ, but we both have the same demons. I've faced mine. Now, you must face them as well."

"It's terrifying," I mumbled. No, terrifying didn't even scratch the surface of how I feel. It was beyond the point of fear. It was mere existence in world where nothing will appeal to my desires. How should I feel against this darkness? Was it too selfish of me? I'm scared I'll make a mistake. I'm scared that I'll do something I will never be able to change. I'm scared to let go.

"I'm not good with these things," Cana began after a moment, "but if you like, you can stay with me until you figure things out. It's the least I could do for a brother."

"I'm for being a burden."

"No such thing, just promise you'll pay me back for my service. You know I'll always accept alcohol," Cana said as she pulled back with a grin. "I'm here for you." A small laugh left my throat as I lifted my head to meet her eyes.

"Thank you, Cana," I said.

"Hehe, I'm always here for you, man. Now, let's drink a little more before I drag you back to my place for seconds!" she screamed. I deadpanned as I looked at her.

"You do not need seconds!" I shouted. But, the heavy drinker howled and cackled with laughter. Deep down, I was grateful to Cana. While she feigned arrogance and hailed alcohol, Cana was one of the most intuitive people I knew. I trust her with me life.


	3. Fleeting Love Requited

A month passed as I began to get adjusted to living with Cana. Surprisingly, her lifestyle at home compared to her lifestyle at the guild was almost a pure opposite. Much to my shock, she had a small apartment that was pristine clean. Cana had a taste for marble as her counters and bathroom were practically covered in that stuff. She kept her sink empty as much as possible and her wine racks full. I almost found himself almost yearning for Cana to make some mess for me to clean up like he'd done so much back at the old apartment. I appreciated that she and I were still independent. I managed my own business and she handled hers. Suddenly, she approached me one day as we were both lounging on her couch. We were absentmindedly watching some weird show on the television lacrima when she spoke up.

"Hey Freed, what would you think if you and I were to go on a mission together?" she asked. I pondered the notion as I glanced over at her before gluing my eyes back to the screen.

"I wouldn't mind, but do you have any particular reason to choose me?" I inquired.

"Well," she began. "Our Magic is fairly compatible. Rune Magic is and Card Magic is similar in that we utilize our knowledge to provoke various spells from all different elements. I've always wondered how things would turn out if we worked together. Although I get that with your lungs, we can't do anything strenuous. But... We could go back to basics. Remember Mrs. Poultry, the cock wrangler?"

"You mean the chicken farmer. Yes, I know who she is," I admitted. That woman was... Pleasingly plump in size and had cherry wine lips the size of great yams. Her eyes were has sharp as the beaks belonging to the chickens she cultivated. However, often she lost her prized birds. Her stamina was not the greatest leaving her with the constant need for mages to gather her chickens. It was a task often aimed at newcomers who were unfamiliar with using magic efficiently or simply a small easy local job with a decent reward. "You want my help with an easy thing like that?" Cana shrugged before taking another swig of beer.

"If you're up to it. I know you've been helping with Mira a lot, but you gotta get out more. I'll be with you so I mean you won't be alone. And the reward is decent enough for both of us. Hell, you could take most of it since I just need enough for maybe some whiskey."

"Maybe, Cana. Maybe some whiskey," I muttered. Cana chuckled.

"Okay you're right," she said. "Maybe two whiskeys then."

"Sounds like you."

"What does that mean?" Cana glanced at me as I smirked back at her.

"You know exactly what your problem is, you alcoholic," I muttered. "But sure. Let's do it." Cana grinned and chugged the rest of her bottle before expertly tossing it into the garbage bin.

"Good," she chortled. "Because I already accepted the request. We start tomorrow!"

It was good to be able to go on a job that allowed me to use magic, even if it was only a little. I suppose even back then, I barely used magic anyway. Fairy Tail was a home for all mages and held some of the strongest. But, I could never stand up to be as tall as any of the others. There were two times I ever truly exerted the true magic power I was capable of.

The first was the whole incident during the festival. Laxus ordered Evergreen, Bickslow, and I to fight our friends. I ended up being thwarted by Mira and condemning myself due to the demon power. I suppose forbidden spells were forbidden.

The only other time I ever used that outlawed black magic on myself was when I first met Laxus. I was shunned by my village wandering the woods when a heavy storm struck the area. Rain pounded the ground and scraped against the trees. I could feel it mounting itself wet drops down my body and then I sensed him. He was like a great beast among the gilded branches. I was cloaked in darkness, fangs drooling with flakes of dry blood fluttering down. My arms and legs were littered with wounds. He radiates with light. His eyes were like beacons leading me to him. I could barely register what I was doing, what my body was doing. I clamored over, limbs rocking back and forth until I found myself in his arms. His embrace was warm and full of light. And then I heard it.

"Freed, was it? My name is Laxus. These wounds you bare. Let them no longer be self inflicted, but use your pain and strength to help. Come with me and join Fairy Tail. Join me, Freed."

He compelled me more than anyone had. My claws shrunk into rigged stubs plagued by constant nail biting. My teeth become small and clicked together as frigid cold air seeped into my bones for the first time in ages.

Laxus made me feel human.

But, I can't hold onto that. I couldn't let him hold me back. I chose to let him go. To leave that life behind.

But I wonder, without him, would I revert back after some time? I have no reason to keep going now except for that sheer desire.

The desire to exist is beyond any living being's comprehension. No matter if you are a bug, a dog, a spirit, or human; everyone desires to exist.

But, I miss it. I miss Laxus's embrace.


	4. Loveless

Sunset came as quickly as the sunrise. As the moon vanished and burnt russet rays milked the sky, Cana and I prepared to catch some chickens. I fastened my red waistcoat and sword by habit and made sure my hair was on point before we waltzed across town to the small pasture on the edge of the city. Almost immediately, we were confronted by Mrs. Poultry.

"I assume you are the two wizards Makarov sent this time around," she belted in a strong loud voice that made you almost believe you were speaking to a Viking chief. "I have but 174 chickens running around the forest. Find them. You have until the end of the day or I'm not giving you any of the rewards. I'll pay you a good amount of jewels for good hard work, that is, if you can satisfy me. However, if you even think of shirking work or leaving early, I'll beat you both into the ground before you can even take a step off my land. Now, get to it!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Cana shouted. "Come on, Freed! Let's get going! Yahoo!" And so we set to work. The next few hours consisted of trapping chickens and putting them back in the contained chicken coops. It was almost surprising how all these chickens could be kept track of so well. With 5000 chickens, knowing how many were about and where they resided was a difficult feat. It was almost 5 in the evening. Mrs. Poultry was kind enough to invite us for dinner. She gave us jewels and favored us to wine and omelets. All of a sudden, a knocking came at the door. Just as Mrs. Poultry began to get up, I gestured her to sit down.

"There's no need, ma'am. Allow me to get that for you. It's the least I can do on behalf of my hospitality," I said. She nodded.

"You are such a gentleman, Mr. Justine," she mused.

"As any proper person should," I replied. I stood up and went to open the door. I creaked it open and greeted the person. "Hello. Wel...come." My words were caught in my throat as I met those strong eyes looking down at me. We stared at each other for a long moment, much longer than any silence should carry. Suddenly, a hand pulled me away by the shoulder as Mrs. Poultry saw Laxus.

"Ah, the thunder beast returns. Give me a moment and I'll get those eggs for your squirrel of a grandfather. Come in, come in!" she happily said. Laxus grunted and barely even glanced at me as he walked in and looked over the table. Cana watched carefully before she sighed and began to glare at him.

Silence enveloped the room until Cana grew upset and slammed her hand on the table.

"That's it? That's all you're gonna do?!" she shouted. Laxus looked at her absentmindedly.

"What?" he uttered. "Do you honestly want to make conversation with me?"

"That is not what I was referring to," the girl sneered. "Say something to Freed. Weren't you teammates? Why the foul mood?" Laxus groaned before leaning into the wall.

"I'm gonna say this simply," Laxus said. "He left of his own accord. What he does from here is not my concern. That's all."

That's all. That's all.

That.

Is.

All.

Why did I keep reaching for him? Laxus accepts it so easily. It was my decision yet why am I not content? He doesn't care. Not even a little. It's so clear now.

There was never anything between Laxus and I in the end. No matter how much time passes, it is still a fleeting dream. Him and I will never exist. And in turn, I should not exist.

"Alright, I have the eggs for you," Mrs. Poultry said as she returned. Laxus thanked her and began to leave. I watched as his figure disappeared in the doorway. Somewhere deep down though, this was more than that.

This was the last time.

"Goodbye, Laxus," I whispered, but I know he didn't hear me.

 


	5. Love's Dark Embrace

"Freed, you need to come out. You can't lock yourself up anymore." Cana's voice was soft and desperate. It's been two months. Two months since I left my room. Two months since I saw Laxus. It's so cold and lonely. It wasn't like this before. Nothing has changed, and yet, everything is different. I stared at the blank wall, grey paint peeling like wilting cherry blossoms. It was a grey canvas with chipping splatters of white like me losing the history I held so dear. The memories are fading. My vision blurs like a dwindling wick. The door creaks open as Cana trembles in with a tray in her hands. Light comes in and I see myself reflecting on the tray bordering the bowl of soup.

My skin droops over the shell of my face, bags predominant under bloodshot weary eyes plastered with an ugly yellow hue. My hair was muddled and almost losing its once iridescent green shine. 

"Freed, I want to say something," Cana said. I didn't look at her but simply only nodded. "After you eat this, I'm taking you to the hospital. I don't care what you say or what you think about it." It took me a moment to process what she said. Suddenly, I felt my anger rise. Just because I down didn't mean I need medical help. She may be helping me, but I don't need her to rule my life.

"Just leave me alone," I spat. "I'm fine."

"Are you kidding me?" she scoffed. "You've been here for weeks. You need to get out, and I can tell you're not healthy. You're barely even surviving." She reached out to grab my arm. Instinctively, I raised my hand and began to set up runes.

"JUST STAY AWAY!"

All of a sudden, I felt my chest heave as my breath was caught in my throat. My abdomen burned as I screamed.

"Freed!" Cana cried but I slumped over, black dots slathering my vision spreading like a migraine sparked every nerve in my head. I couldn't even blink as colors faded until not even greys were visible.

***

There was a beep. Then, there was another. It was like floating on air yet an ocean was around. I wasn't breathing, yet air entered and left my lungs. There was nothing, and then there was a voice.

"What's wrong with him?" a gruff voice said. It was scratchy and concerned, yet one I knew well.

"Master Makarov, I'm afraid it's magic deficiency. It's one of the worst types of cancer a mage can get. It's likely he hadn't used a large amount of magic in a long time. While he wasn't supposed to before, this prolonging condition seems to be more severe. Something would've triggered him to release a large amount of magic. However, as his power had laid dormant for so long, the sudden pull must have caused a short circuit to be blunt. I'm afraid... There's no cure."

There is crying.

"Oh god, no no no no... This is all my fault," a voice cried. 

"There is nothing you have done wrong. It was good to get him here sooner than later, Cana," the master said. "You should go home and rest." Footsteps walk away. I'm sorry, Cana. Nothing was your fault. 

It's all me.

"Doctor, tell me the truth," the master suddenly says. The doctor sighs.

"I hate to say this... But, he only has three days."

"I see... Thank you. If you would..."

"I'll leave you. My greatest sympathies lie with you." The doctor leaves. 

"You heard all of that didn't you?"

He knows. He always does. 

My eyes slowly let the dim lights trickle in. Burnt auburn wood plated walls surround me, soft leather chairs around me. The cotton sheets are warm and cover me as an IV drips into my arm. A mask covers my mouth and nose as my lungs are pumped by the machine. There's a monitor showing my heart rate, the green line moving up and then down, disappearing and then reappearing. 

Three days from now, that line will go down and never rise. Somehow, that thought didn't scare me. 

I met Master Makarov's gaze as he sadly looked down at me. He knows grieving will do nothing. He lays his hand against mine, tracing my veins solemnly.

His voice penetrates my mind in the silence as he telepathically speaks.

 _"Do you have any last wishes?"_  he asks. 

 _"I want to see Laxus."_  Makarov nods.

 _"I'll try my best."_ With that, he leaves. 

The following day comes with more beeps and ticking of the clock, second after second. I flatlined once and couldn't stomach any food. A goldish gunk came up that the doctor explained was my magic's physical essence. Funny how it was yellow almost beaming like Laxus did in a gross way. 

Bickslow and Evergreen stopped by with the Strauss siblings. The tears kept coming. They told stories and stories, memories and memories. I loved them as a family, but they couldn't answer the one question I had.

"Is Laxus here?" but they could only look away. 

The second day came and Team Natsu came by along with many other guild members. Loke and the other Celestial Spirits even came. If anyone knew death best, they did. Lucy cried and she spoke of events that happened in the past year. What went down at Kardia Hall during the festival, what happened on Tenrou Island. She spoke of all our adventures together with detail I almost felt myself wanting to fall back. But every time I did, I saw him standing there like a beacon. It was a hushed question this time, yet I was met with the same answer.

"Is Laxus here?" 

He won't come. I don't know why I ask when I know. But, somewhere wishes there was chemistry between us. Somewhere inside me wishes I didn't let him walk away. But, he won't come back.

No one could give me an answer. 

Day three was met with silence. My pulse was weak and I could no longer move. Nurses came and each time resulted in numbers that got lower and lower. I wondered how it would be. Was death simply instant? Would I be aware? Was it a cold touch or a warm fleeting moment? Death would come for me, and yet I wouldn't be alive enough to ever find that answer.

They rip the covers off. The beeping becomes distinct as I'm flatlining. I came back the first time. But, not even an hour later, I'm falling again. That dark abyss is rising, the dark water coming up to my knees. I don't have the strength to fight anymore. Simply, I'm existing until I can't. 

"We're losing him!"

"Keep trying!"

"Stay with us, son!"

They don't understand that I'm ready. He won't come. He didn't before, and he won't know. 

The light fades and I'm met with bursts of dark and light. Suddenly, metal doors clang open, a broad figure standing in its arms. A smile creeps across my face as I find myself crying. Am I so delusional that I'm seeing him in death? 

_Laxus..._

Even his name is comforting in the darkness. He comes over, but my eyes are closing shut. Warmth embraces me with strong arms I'd never thought I could feel.

"I love you, Freed," he says back. "Please, stay." I cannot though. It is too late.

"I love you too, Laxus," I whisper. I don't know if he is real. But in this void, I'm glad he can hear me.

His lips touch mine, but then he disappears.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the five weeks are over meaning so is this fanfic. It took a few interesting turns that I hope you enjoyed. Fraxus has always been one of my favorite ships but I often found it difficult to write about them. This was my first attempt at it and perhaps it was alright. I'll continue to improve and soon, I'll be posting more stories.
> 
> What did you think of the ending? I hope it was okay, and I apologize that it was fairly rushed. Sunday is kind of a bad day to write for me, but it's also my most comfortable day to write. It's a nice way to start off the week I suppose. Although, that doesn't matter much as you guys will see this coming Monday. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for sticking with me and for reading this oddity of angst. May we meet again in another story ^^


End file.
